Weekend Getaways

On Friday I got my first summer paycheck (which was great) as well as my spring semester grades (which were not as great). Suffice it to say that I am now really motivated to work hard and do really well my second year of law school. Then I went out for barbeque and some window-shopping with my friend who just graduated and is trying to study for the bar exam. I feel a little daunted just hearing about how intense the pre-bar-exam summer is . . . but I'll cross that bridge when I get there, and for now I'll just do my best to support my friends who are there now!

Thursday afternoon, my friend Stephanie called and said, "Amanda and I are going to a fine wine festival in Dahlonega this weekend. Want to come?" Why yes, yes I would. :) Gotta love those spontaneous summer adventures! So the three of us drove to Dahlonega on Saturday morning and went to the festival in the afternoon. We were able to try some wines (including sweet peach wine and dark chocolate wine--yum), listen to jazz music, and meet a lot of fun people, all in this gorgeous vineyard:

Then we went to some nearby outlet malls for a little retail therapy. Stephanie and Amanda made some good finds at J.Crew, and we all had fun trying on designer sunglasses and high heels at the Saks 5th Avenue outlet store. We even found this little candy store with pretty much every kind of candy you can imagine--the kind that reminds you of childhood--and stocked up on jelly beans, milk chocolate peanuts, and Sour Patch Kids. We finished off the day with dinner at Shenanigan's, a little Irish grill, and explored in beautiful downtown Dahlonega before heading to a bed and breakfast for the night. Such a fun weekend having great conversations, laughing way too much, and having a chance to relax!

I came back and took a LONG Sunday afternoon nap--next on the agenda is laundry and more laundry, dishes, errands, and maybe doing a little reading. Book reviews are probably forthcoming, because I'm tearing through my summer reading list. But I have exciting news to share--probably coming tomorrow, so stay tuned!

And last but not least: I just heard this song for the first time two days ago, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be my theme song for the rest of law school--Sidewalk Prophets' The Words I Would Say. Listen to it. Seriously. It is so encouraging!

Psalm 138:8: The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. 

"Real" Adulthood

I don't know how other people my age feel about this, but I constantly feel like I have to prove to the world that I'm a "real" adult. Maybe this is because I could easily pass for 16--maybe 17 on a good day or if I'm wearing heels!

I've always felt that certain experiences, rather than certain magical "ages," make you an adult. Or at least, over the past few years, I've had a number of moments after which I thought, "I'm definitely an adult now because of what I just did/ learned/ experienced." Such as:

• signing my first lease
• driving by myself for a long trip (250+ miles)
• signing a contract for my first rental car
• filing a motion in court as part of my summer job
• getting into law school
• learning how to cook
• learning how to read a map (Seriously. This is something I really never had to do until I was trying to drive around a new city by myself).
• realizing that I now find the "teen" section of the library to be pretty boring
• setting up flights and flying by myself for the first time
• going to networking events
• going to my first charity benefit dinner/ party
• buying my first real professional suit
• checking my credit score
• replacing ink cartridges in my printer (because this used to always be Dad's job . . . but not since I'm living on my own)
• realizing that things like hydrogen peroxide, laundry detergent, and light bulbs are cropping up on my list of "stuff to get at Wal-Mart"
• basically everything that happened while I studied abroad in Costa Rica, including interning at a law firm and taking care of bank business, all in Spanish

I do really love the independence of being on my own and making my own decisions. For example,   no one is going to say anything about it if I decide to have blueberries for dinner (like tonight), or if I want to get up and clean/ study/ watch movies/ make macaroni and cheese at 3:37am because I can't sleep. It's great to be free to do things your own way, but then the pressure is on to make the right decisions and use the freedom wisely. And sometimes I have no clue what I'm doing and have a major "Toto, I think we're not in Kansas anymore" moment.
Most of the time I feel like I'm a real adult . . . but I'm not sure when I'll ever be convinced that the rest of the world sees me that way too. I think my perception of this would be different if I were working right now instead of in graduate school. Retaining the "student" label sometimes makes me feel like I come across as being basically still in high school! But even if I do look a lot younger than I really am--I want people to take me and my ideas seriously.

Identity Crisis: Prestige vs. Happiness

I think that one of the most significant "identity crises" for people in their twenties, just beginning careers, is choosing between prestige and happiness. Because let's face it: it's kind of hard to have both, or at least very hard to have both on a consistent, long-term basis. Usually, what's prestigious isn't necessarily what will make you happy . . . and what makes you happiest may not be prestigious at all.

This topic is on my mind a lot because I see this issue 24/7 in the law school environment. Most people who end up in law school (yes, including me) are by nature incredibly competitive, driven, and goal-oriented. And most of us law students each want to be that person who "does it all": who is the managing editor of law review, captain of a Moot Court team, president of multiple student organizations, a clerk for a judge, etc.--all while getting straight A's, maintaining an active social life, and being ready to pass the bar exam with flying colors and then go make a great salary working for a prestigious law firm. It's probably true that no matter what field you end up in, there will be people who seem to be able to do it all and still have time to breathe and have a life--and who are genuinely happy in the activities and goals they're pursuing.

But for most of the others, it is all too easy to get caught up in a rat race where you are constantly pursuing the next prestigious, attractive option to beef up your resume or to impress people, without even realizing that what you're striving for isn't making you happy. Yes, some people are truly happy pursuing all of the prestigious goals I described above--but for a lot of people, the things they really want to pursue in life or in their careers aren't going to elicit responses of "Oh, that's so impressive!" from others. I've begun to realize since starting law school that a lot of the things that I and my peers want to do aren't what you might call "prestigious," whether it be traveling to Third World countries to tackle legal issues in poverty-stricken areas or pouring our time and energy into clinics that provide pro bono legal services to people who really need them. I'm beginning to realize more than I ever have before that some of the most prestigious options available to me are not necessarily going to make me happy, while some of my deepest passions probably wouldn't be considered impressive at all. In the typical situation where you really can't have both, it is very hard to choose between the most prestigious option and the one you think will actually make you happy.

I'm trying to learn how to choose happiness over impressiveness, because I'm pretty sure that will help me lead a more satisfying, regret-free life in the long run. I can't say it's not an incredibly difficult choice or one that doesn't make me second-guess myself a lot--but I would rather fulfill my own passions than simply someone else's expectations.

Is the Gospel Offensive?

I'll just come right out and answer that question: yes, the Gospel is offensive--and the Bible describes it that way. Christians often say that we should never be offended by the Gospel, but I think what they really mean is that we should never be ashamed of the Gospel. Christians should freely and without shame embrace the Gospel as the truth on which they base their lives, but the Gospel, by its very nature, is offensive.

We live in an achievement-saturated culture that teaches that people will get ahead and be successful by their own hard work and best efforts. Our society is filled with hierarchies in which the rich, the powerful, and the successful are on top, while the poor, the broken, and the outcasts are all too often ignored and left behind. All around us we see cutthroat competition to do the best, have the best, and be the best. It's all based on who we are, and what we bring to the table, and how great we can be. And people who are deemed "more successful" than others are rewarded much more than those who don't have a long list of accomplishments to boast about, or a ten-page resume, or a seven-figure bank account.

But then the Gospel bursts onto the scene--and it throws all of our notions of merit out the window and embraces these great divine paradoxes that we may never fully understand. It utterly offends and shatters all of our concepts and preconceived notions of what's important. It says that who you are does not matter; who you are in Christ does matter. It claims that the most accomplished person on this earth isn't even one step ahead of the deadbeats when it comes to receiving the life Christ died to offer us. It tells us that the last shall be first, that the treasure of Christ is poured out into jars of clay, that all the strength and power of a risen Savior rests on the weak, the broken, the poor, and the persecuted. Because of what Christ has done, it doesn't even matter what you bring to the table.

The apostle Paul claimed that through the Gospel, God made foolish all of the wisdom of the world, and that God has chosen the weak, foolish, and lowly things of the world so that no one may boast before Him. The Gospel teaches that our hope comes solely through Christ, crucified and then risen from the dead. Nothing else counts--not our striving, not our efforts, not our successes. In Christ, stronger isn't better. More accomplished isn't better. More powerful isn't better.

And honestly, it's a shock to the system. It ruptures everything we know about how the world works and turns it on its head. God is not running a meritocracy, and that offends the way our world works.

It's offensive that our striving doesn't help. It's offensive that we can't do it on our own. It's offensive that our best efforts don't put us into right standing with God. It's offensive that our past accomplishments are deemed rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ. It can be difficult to accept, confusing, and even frustrating. But it is true--and it is good news indeed. The Gospel has the power to make us overturn our ideologies, change our commitments, relinquish our privileges, and dismantle our hierarchies. Our beloved merit-based system needs to get offended by the outrageous, ridiculous, extravagant GRACE of the Gospel.

Our society is obsessed with being politically correct and never offending anybody. But sometimes the truth is offensive. And sometimes, staring truth in the face and being offended by it--offended enough to be shocked out of our complacency and propelled toward change-is a good thing. But instead of embracing the offensive qualities of the gospel, we sugarcoat it in messages that are more like self-help, popular psychology, and the "prosperity gospel" than genuine truth. It's easy to sweep the hard truths under the rug.

The message that the cross of Christ wipes out even our very best efforts and shatters the wisdom of the world has always been offensive, and I think Paul recognized that in a way that we don't get today. In Galatians 5, he explained that he was being persecuted because his message refused to do away with "the offense of the cross." Paul embraced the offense of the cross and got his hands dirty with the Gospel message. And so should we! It is profoundly offensive--and that's the way it's supposed to be. 1 Peter describes Christ not only as the "chosen and precious cornerstone" but also as a "rock of offense" to some. And Jesus Himself asked His disciples on occasion, "Does this [my teaching] offend you?" He knew that his own message was bound to be offensive.

The Gospel offends all of our long-held assumptions about merit, effort, strength, profit, and power. It can overturn the foundations we've built our lives on. But if we're willing to let the message of the cross, in all its truth, offend all of our beliefs about how the world is supposed to work, we will be left face-to-face with grace.

Summer Reading List

Happy Friday! This weekend I want to 1) watch way too many episodes of Big Bang Theory and 2) sit by the pool and read. Here are some books on my list for the summer:

• Under the Tuscan Sun and A Year in the World by Frances Mayes
• Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
• The Pelican Brief and The Firm by John Grisham
• Lone Wolf and Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult
• Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks
• Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
• The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel by Deborah Moggach
• The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks
• The Help by Kathryn Stockett
• St. Augustine's Confessions
• The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns
• The Unlikely Disciple by Kevin Roose
• Knocking on Heaven's Door by Lisa Randall
• Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (I read this in high school but it's definitely worth a second read)
• Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
• The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

I have to get totally caught up on all my pleasure reading now because I know that I probably won't have time to do it once school starts. I find that if I'm not reading, I can't write anything decent either because I lack inspiration. So for me, the best way to beat writer's block is actually to go read a book. I doubt I'll get to everything on this list (especially considering that some of these have already been on my list for forever) but I can at least give it a try!

No Wasted Prayer

I know I've already written about prayer a couple times lately, but it's the topic that has really been on my heart this month. This post is kind of a follow-up to what I recently wrote on prayer here.

What God has been teaching me lately is that our prayers are never, ever wasted. Our prayers will bear fruit, even if we don't see it for years. We may not even know when it happens, but it will happen. The prayers you are fervently praying now could be answered in your life, or in someone else's life--years from now. We may not always recognize the answers when they come or understand how our lives would be different if we hadn't prayed. But it's not like prayers that don't get answered immediately just disappear into this Neverland of prayers which haven't produced results.

What this means is that we need to exhibit greater spiritual tenacity in our prayer lives. I really think that stubbornness can be a spiritual asset, because it is the trait that allows us to keep persisting in our prayers and to just keep storming the gates of heaven with our prayers, trusting that they will produce results even if we may never fully know what those results are and how they come about.

And what if we simply don't know what or how to pray anymore? A lot of Christians over the years have recommended praying through parts of the Bible and using the prayers in Scripture as models for our own prayers. This is a great place to start.

In Isaiah 55, God promises that the Word which He speaks will never return to Him void, but that it will accomplish His purposes. I think it's safe to also say that God's Word will never return void to people who speak it--and pray it--with genuine faith. I get excited about what could happen if more people would be willing to make some of the greatest, most heartfelt, most faith-fueled prayers in Scripture their own prayers. I hope to sometime write a series on some of these prayers.

We need to get tenacious in our prayers. For many things in our lives, we don't have because we don't ask God.

The only prayer that's wasted is the one that we don't pray.

6 Degrees of Separation?

Today I had one of those great experiences where you totally and unexpectedly reconnect with a friend from your past. You know how they say there are only 6 degrees of separation between you and everyone else on the planet? Sometimes I think it's got to be less than that. I mean, I've actually met a lot of people since moving here for law school who know people that I know from college, or who I have other weird connections with. But today, I was at church when out of the blue, I saw Emily, who was three years behind me at W&L, a friend of mine, and also really good friends with my old roommate and close college friend, Lauren. I was stunned to see her--I never knew that she had any connections to this area or knew anyone here. I went to go talk to her after the service, and it was so good to see her and reconnect. As it turns out, she was here visiting her grandmother--who has been a member of my church all this time, but I had never met her, even though I've been going to this same church ever since August. That connection had pretty much been right in front of me this whole time, but I doubt I would have ever met Emily's grandmother if I hadn't seen her here today. I ended up going out for lunch with both of them and really having a wonderful conversation. It's just so much fun when you end up randomly running into old friends that you never expected to see!

And also, I've been meaning to post a list like this on here for awhile, but this is a list of some of my favorite blogs that you should check out:

• Cal Newport's blog, Study Hacks. It has tons of ideas, not just for improving your life as a student, but also about productivity and success in general.
• Scott Young's blog. He decided to teach himself everything necessary to get a computer science degree from MIT--in one year. And he blogged about the whole experience. He also has a lot of great ideas about learning, etc.
• Celebrate (especially check out the great post about giving from a few days ago)
• Check out this really inspirational post from a fellow law student, who I actually went to college with.
• Mark Batterson's blog. Great devotional-type blog from a wonderful writer and pastor.
• Debra Fileta's blog. Just discovered this one a few days ago, but it has wonderful insights, devotionals, and thoughts on Christian living, all written by a Christian counselor.
• Steven Furtick's blog. Great devotional/ motivational thoughts from a pastor.

I'll probably keep adding to this list . . . enjoy!

Summer Plans

This week has been pretty hectic, with starting my job in the admissions office (including leading a bunch of tours of campus) and trying to write a "case note" for the writing competition to be on Law Review. It seems relatively simple at first--an 8-11 page paper on a major landmark Supreme Court case, and we all wrote on the same case and had the same 3 background cases given to us. It was due last night at midnight, and the current members of Law Review will evaluate the quality of the case note as well as GPA/ class rank to determine who will be selected to write for Law Review this upcoming year. I read through most of the materials on Wednesday and Thursday, but didn't really get the ball rolling with writing until yesterday. With only a couple short breaks, I wrote from about 7:30am till 11:15 last night when I finally submitted it. Thankfully, the law school was closed yesterday for the long weekend so I had off work. I was so glad to get that done, though, and be able to really get started enjoying my long weekend!

Here's some of my goals for the rest of the summer:

• Blog really consistently (and maybe attract some new readers, too!)
• Brush up on Spanish so I can officially say I am "fluent"
• Read a bunch of books on my list of "things I want to read when I finally have time"
• Start working on reading the New Testament in Greek (this is actually why I wanted to study Greek in college, but I have yet to actually tackle this project--no better time than now to start, even though I probably won't finish till the end of this year)
• Get in better shape/ be more consistent with exercise
• Try to make 10 recipes I've never made before to expand my cooking repertoire--started this one this week when I made Paula Deen's sweet corn casserole and bacon-wrapped goat cheese stuffed dates. SO delicious!

It was about 100 degrees down here today, so I'm probably going to be ready to relocate to the North Pole by August. But there are some great things about Georgia summer, including perfect pool weather pretty much all the time and all the peaches you can eat. Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Surrender to God

Surrendering one's heart to God is not a passive process, but rather an extremely active one.

It is not giving up.

It is not merely "letting go."

It does not mean allowing people and situations to push you wherever they will and assuming that you have to accept all of it unflinchingly because it must be part of God's plan.

Surrendering to God's will and leading and purpose is an inherently active process. Why? Because it must be a conscious and courageous choice--a declaration that you have the ability to walk in any number of directions, but you will choose to walk with God. No matter where He leads.

Finding God in Our Brokenness

Our society is so obsessed with people having it all "together." In fact, we idolize "togetherness" (I realize that's probably not a word, but you know what I mean). Think about it: we say, admiringly, about people: "So-and-so really has it all together." And we say, critically, "So-and-so really needs to get their act together." And I don't think these are just innocuous figures of speech--having it all together, putting on a good face for people, and never displaying any weakness or brokenness are all valued ideals in our culture. And it's incredibly hard to learn how to embrace a reckless vulnerability around people we've spent years trying to convince of our own strength.

But what does that say about brokenness, and the people who experience it? And let's be honest with ourselves--we ALL experience brokenness, tears, weakness, grief, and loss. It is part of the human condition, no matter how hard we may try to suppress it or ignore it. But I believe that when someone is experiencing brokenness, whether it be in body, mind, heart, or spirit, our natural tendency is to try to to help them "get over it" as quickly as possible, and we feel like we need to help them "fix it"--ASAP.

But sometimes, there is that season of deep brokenness, when the quick fixes utterly fail to accomplish their purpose, and when almost no words can help. It's those times when we feel pressured to hide our pain from others, desperate to reconcile our own condition both with our society's demand that we "get it together," and with the common assumption that God, Himself, expects us to have our lives together in order to come to Him. This usually is our condition when we lose things--or people--we thought we could never live without. We don't know how we can come before God in these times because we feel as though we have less than nothing to bring. We try to pray, but we can't even say anything. We can't put words on our experience--our hurting hearts are quiet.

But then the questions bubble up to the surface of our hearts and can't be ignored: Can our own theology coincide with a shattered heart? And, perhaps the simplest question of all: how can we keep our eyes on Jesus when they are full of tears?

And in times like these, we find ourselves asking, “Is Jesus really, truly ENOUGH?” Just Jesus. Jesus and nothing else, nothing that we thought we had to have just to survive. Is Jesus still worthy of all our praise? Is Jesus enough in the desert while we beg for rain? Is He enough when we are brokenhearted? Is Jesus enough in the wilderness, in the darkness, in the valley of the shadow of death? Is His name still worthy to be blessed?

I don't know all the answers, but I do know that Christ steps into the gap and experiences our brokenness with us. John 11 describes Jesus' response when he went to visit Mary and Martha, whose brother Lazarus had just died. Mary ran out to meet him and fell at his feet weeping. John then writes, “When Jesus saw her weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled . . . Jesus wept.” I find it very moving that the only time recorded in Scripture in which Jesus broke down in tears was in response to a woman weeping. When Jesus saw Mary weeping from her loss, devastated and broken, He cried with her.

In Spanish, to say “I’m sorry,” people say, “lo siento,” which literally means, “I feel it.” I feel it. I’m sorry. I’ve always thought this expression was just a bit richer, a bit more genuine, than our quick and often halfhearted “sorry.” I feel it. I feel with you. Perhaps in some way, Christ, crying with this weeping and broken woman, was expressing the original “lo siento.” A divine compassion of unmatched depth. The original, “I feel it.” This means that we never feel anything alone. No matter what we experience, Christ experiences it with us. No matter how dirty, how awful, how excruciating. He feels it. He is sorry in the truest sense of the word. And He cries with us today, no matter what brokenness or what loss has caused us to collapse at his feet in tears. This is true sympathy and true compassion, both of which come from Greek words meaning "to suffer with another." Christ suffers with us. He mourns with us. He weeps with us.

And God still invites us to come to Him--no matter how messed up our lives are and how far we may be from "having it all together." We can glorify him in the desert as well as in the harvest. We are invited to bring our tears and our pain to the altar before him, not just our blessings and our joys. Frankly, God can handle our mess, if anyone can. He invites us to come even when all we have to bring is anger, grief, desperation, and doubt. God doesn’t tell us just to bring him our praises, all the while clutching our pain close to our hearts and keeping it to ourselves. Here’s what I think: coming to God with our pain IS a form of praise. Trusting God with our pain IS worship. Even if that's all we have to bring, God still wants us to come.

Our brokenness is actually, in some strange way, a miracle--because if we weren't broken, we wouldn't need a Savior. Grace is for lives like ours--which can be a mess and are most assuredly not perfect.

I can't claim to know why brokenness happens, but I do know, from my own experience, that Jesus is indeed ENOUGH. Even in doubt. Even in gut-wrenching grief. Even in tears. Even in a very dark and very painful wilderness. He is enough. And that is enough for me.