Y'all, I don't even really know how to process the last few days. I think I have quite honestly gained more life experience in the past week than I had in my entire previous life (well, almost). I started my new job. I prepared depositions and drafted motions and complaints and discovery responses and petitions. Yesterday, I went to court to file the petition I wrote and sat in on a deposition that I prepared for my supervising attorney, so that was a good feeling.
The week was pretty chaotic at the front end, because I wasn't actually able to move into my summer apartment until Tuesday night, even though I had to start work on Monday, so I had a 2-hour commute Monday morning, stayed at a hotel Monday night, and finally moved in after work Tuesday. A friend had graciously invited me to stay at her place Monday night, but it would have taken at least an hour to fight my way through traffic back to her apartment on Monday night, and I was so tired after getting up at 5am that that was just not happening. In fact, Monday night I believe I actually stated at one point that I was so tired that I would give someone, anyone, my debit card in exchange for a place to sleep. It has been a pretty exhausting week and I'm already really looking forward to the Florida beach vacation I am planning for the end of summer.
The past few days, I've realized that there's no need for a speed limit in this city because you'll never be able to go faster than 20 mph, about had a claustrophobic panic attack when I couldn't figure out how to get out of my parking deck on Wednesday morning, drunk cheap wine out of plastic cups because I don't have my real dishes here yet, eaten grapes for dinner and Chick-Fil-A at 4:30am, been hit on by some of the sketchiest guys, had awkward conversations in elevators, and had the scariest conversation EVER with my new boss ("I want you guys to be aggressive and productive and work on 40 cases a day"). I've become the case manager for 46 clients, been more tired than I thought was humanly possible, finally made it back to the gym because I desperately missed exercise after my post-finals workout hiatus, ran into alums who interviewed me for my law school scholarship at Publix (awkward), and driven by myself to courthouses in other counties even though I don't really know my way around THIS county yet and only really know how to get to and from work. I've gotten chocolate on my good suit and blisters on my heels from my new shoes.
But there have been highlights. This city is amazing in its own way. I don't really think I would pursue living here long-term necessarily, but this week has convinced me that I could live here for real, and be happy doing it. I live within walking distance of pretty much anything I could want to do, eat, read, visit . . . libraries, art museums, Thai food, coffee shops, etc. And what's not to like about this view?! This picture was taken from my apartment window:
This weekend I have to finish officially moving in to my new apartment--and yes, even though I'm only living here for 2 months, I'm hanging posters and decorating because life's too short to not decorate. Or at least, that is my philosophy.
I feel like this summer is going to be a season for me to learn how to work as a real attorney and to work harder than I ever have in my life, learning how to do long hours and deal with high stress on the job and fuel it with a lot of coffee. I'm already definitely feeling like I'm going to have time and energy for work but maybe not too much else, except on weekends. The firm I work at is known for being one of the most fast-paced, aggressive litigation practices in the state. I'm not sure I would want to keep up this pace forever and have this sort of high-stress position for a permanent job, but I do know that I will pretty much be ready for anything Future Boss throws my way after this.
But here's what's most important to me about all this. I am facing my fears. I have always been terrified to live here and terrified to work in a firm like the one I'm working in now. But I'm doing it anyway to prove to myself that I can, and to get experience that I can't get just anywhere. When I accepted this position way back in November, I strongly felt led to do so and that it was exactly what God wanted me to do, even though it made no sense at the time (Why would I go THERE and do that?) But I'm learning that all things are possible with God. ALL things. Even this. Even me living in a huge city and having a stressful job with a heavy case load. ALL things. I can't say enough about how God has abundantly met every single need I have had this week, including, yeah, getting out of that parking deck! He has helped me with everything from the little things, like finding a place to eat or get groceries, to the big things, like finding favor with my bosses. He has provided, He has been there, and I can't wait to see what happens next.