Happy, happy Friday folks. Boy do I ever need it, and I'm just going to vent for a bit. I usually try not to use this blog for that purpose, but sometimes you just need to!
With my new job, I am in a work environment that vacillates from being okay to being really bad, and at this point, I am grateful that this job is just for the summer. I work with four attorneys, a couple paralegals, and several other clerks. Most of the people are really nice, but the senior attorney (who is my boss and the main person I report to) is definitely not. He is one of those super-aggressive, angry, yelling types. And he's the king of unreasonable expectations--he wants us to complete more work, move more cases, and contact more clients in a day than is humanly possible, and then we get yelled at when, surprise surprise, we can't do it. I am working my butt off for 9 hours a day, or more, and barely even take a lunch break, and am going pedal to the metal from the second I walk in in the morning till the moment I leave at night. Anytime anyone makes even the slightest mistake, like putting something in a file the "wrong way," pretty much everybody gets yelled at for it. It's bad. We all walk on eggshells around this guy. And I often leave the office feeling exhausted, beat up, and incompetent. I'm afraid this is going to be a demoralizing work experience, making me feel like a failure who's not cut out to be an attorney. In my boss's eyes, I am failing because I'll readily admit that I'm failing to meet his expectations (never mind that his expectations are insane). It's not so very fun being told to do something impossible, and then being made to feel like it's your fault that you can't do it, even though no one could.
Overall, today was a decent day at the office, and I got a lot done and left feeling good, but in general, I think this summer is going to be an uphill battle and a lesson in dealing with difficult people. I can't just quit my job, even though I won't say I haven't been tempted to yell right back at my boss and just walk out. But even though I can't do that, I do have to protect my heart and my mind from the effects of that toxic situation, because I can't allow someone to convince me that I am a failure or a loser, and I can't work with constant anxiety about when my boss is going to get mad next.
So I am going on the offensive. I am going to write Biblical affirmations--what God says about me--on notecards this weekend and put them up all over my apartment. Such as: I am a beloved child of God. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The Lord is FOR me, so I will not be afraid. The Lord rejoices over me with singing. God delights in me. He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.
I also need to make sure I'm getting up early enough to start the morning with some time with God and prayer and listening to worship music, because if my heart isn't overflowing with Jesus when I walk in that office, I am never going to make it. And I am going to make time to take care of me--to exercise, and eat right, and do the things I enjoy, and treat myself when I need it. To that end, tomorrow I'm going to two of my favorite places in the world: 1) IKEA and 2) the library. It may not sound like much, but I'm pretty excited about it.
People can try to break me, but I will not be broken. People can try to convince me that I'm a failure, but I won't believe them. Because in Christ, I am worthy.